trying to phase me

Blogging is like driving. One should not do it when frustrated or angry. I'm both right now, so I really shouldn't be typing at all. But I am.

I also just almost started crying at work.

I really do care about my parents. And I really do try and actively love them (or at least show them that I do love them more than they think I do). I just happen to disagree with them a lot, and I don't think they (or I, really) like being disagreed with.

I love Katie. I know we've spent less than two years together, but I can't live without her. It's painfully obvious to bring up that something appears to be like her picking her family over me when both Katie and I know what that choice meant and how hard it was to make. It's very poor form to bring up my ex-girlfriend.

So I'm frustrated with my parents. It's not the first time, and it's not really a secret. Everyone has family troubles, right? I just wish I didn't. I wish I could just talk to my parents as if they were my friends, as if they knew everything about me already, as if they wouldn't judge but just listen. But because of the way we've been relating to each other for the past 21 odd years, because of how I've gotten used to talking to them, I can't do that. I'm sorry, Mom and Dad. I really am - for everything. But I can't help but think that some of the blame (if there's any real "blame" to be doled out) is on your side.

I hate posts like these. I thought I would never make one. I'm sorry to all (two of) my readers, too.

I try really hard to be a happy person, and I fear I'm getting worse and worse at it. Up until about 15 minutes ago, I was really happy. Maybe today is just the worst day of my life. Then it'll be over and done with.

Adam Shlian was in town this weekend. See, Gus and Jenn got married, so lots of old NPP folk were back in town. I managed to get to hang out with Adam, Gus, Jenn, Kevin Perry, Susan, Nathan, Katie Terrara, Ron, Ayne, Lisa Beiter, and Kang (I'm sure I left someone out) yesterday. That was pretty cool.

And then, later, Brian Gray and Adam Shlian came back to my place and we played Midnight Club II for something like 37 hours in a row. Well, not really 37. But a lot.

You know what? I guess things don't really phase me. I feel a lot better now, and not just because I'm writing about it. Just because I'm remembering how much fun I have with people, and how much I enjoyed coming home to Katie last night and waking up beside her this morning. Because, in the end, life is very good to me - even if I can't remember the names of Mike Bayles and John Gilkes when I run into them right before they're going to Eat'n Park.